A dating app started it all. That’s where I met Adam while finishing my degree. At the time, I had no idea the person I was video chatting with would one day become the “Papa” to my children. From our very first conversations, it was clear we shared the same vision for our lives: marriage, a home, and a family. Back then, being a gay couple made those dreams feel almost impossible, but we were determined to make them happen.
Our connection was instant, and our relationship grew quickly. Adam proposed atop Rockefeller Center in New York City, with my closest friends and family waiting downstairs for a surprise engagement dinner. It was magical. Two years later, on January 15, 2017, we celebrated our wedding in Aberdeen, New Jersey. True to form, we threw a wedding that reflected our love for life and celebration—over-the-top and unforgettable.
After several moves, the next big goal was clear: a home. We wanted a space to raise a family, and an apartment simply wouldn’t do. Our search initially focused on houses near Adam’s job outside Philadelphia, but we quickly realized the perfect house didn’t exist. So, we built one from the ground up. Nestled in a family-friendly neighborhood with excellent schools, our new home took six months to complete.
Even before construction finished, we had already begun the journey toward parenthood. Adam and I had always talked about having children, exploring every option to expand our family. After much research and consideration, we decided to pursue surrogacy.
Our surrogacy journey officially began in the summer of 2018. Adam reached out to several agencies, hoping to match with a surrogate. We put down a deposit with The Surrogacy Experience in August, starting the long wait. Our ultimate goal was ambitious: twin boys and twin girls, each carrying our DNA. The agency warned that finding a surrogate willing to carry twins for a same-sex couple could take time, but we stayed focused and committed.
Next, we needed a fertility clinic for egg donation and embryo transfer. Many local doctors refused double embryo transfers due to the risks of twin pregnancies. After searching, we found Dr. Leondires at RMA of Connecticut, and from our first meeting, we knew we were in the right hands.
Navigating fertility during a pandemic might sound overwhelming, but in some ways, it gave us more time to focus. Once our surrogate was medically cleared, the doctor asked if we had embryos ready for implantation. We hadn’t even begun searching for an egg donor yet, and I quickly learned that preparation is everything—having embryos ready can save precious time.
I dove into the search for an egg donor online. At first, I was extremely picky—almost like using a dating app, wanting someone who was medically ideal but also physically appealing. Days turned into weeks of research, checking hundreds of profiles, and the process was exhausting.
Then, out of nowhere, I found her. A blonde with green eyes, donating for the first time. It was perfect. We began communicating with her and felt an instant connection, believing she would help us bring our children into the world.
She underwent extensive medical testing to ensure she could safely provide eggs for a twin pregnancy. Each test reduced our odds, and eventually, we were told she couldn’t proceed. I was devastated. Lying in bed, I cried for hours, asking God why this path was so difficult. Was it a sign we weren’t meant to be parents? But after mourning, I picked myself up and kept searching.
Shortly after, I found another donor whose profile checked nearly every box. Though her hair was not the perfect blonde I had imagined, her medical history and family profile were exceptional. After speaking with her and her agency, Circle Surrogacy, we learned she was a prior donor with a high egg count—perfect for twin implantation. By some miracle, her availability lined up perfectly, and we officially matched with her.
By summer 2020, nearly two years after beginning this journey, we had our surrogate and our donor. The next step was egg retrieval. Our donor traveled from Montana to Connecticut, where we joined her for the procedure, taking photos to share with our future children. She donated 36 eggs—far beyond the average of ten—and they were split evenly between Adam and me for fertilization. After seven days, 19 healthy embryos were ready, and we anxiously awaited screening results for quality and sex.
The call from the embryologist was unforgettable. Adam had one high-quality male embryo and several female embryos, while I had one female and several male embryos. We chose the embryos for transfer and scheduled the date.
October 2020 was a month of profound emotion. My father, who had been battling pancreatic cancer, passed away just before my sister’s wedding. Though our hearts were heavy, the family gathered to celebrate and mourn together, cherishing every moment. The very next day, October 12, was our embryo transfer. Due to COVID restrictions, we joined via Zoom, watching two tiny embryos being placed into our surrogate. The first pregnancy test was negative, hitting me like a ton of bricks. But subsequent tests finally brought hope—a faint blue line, a life-changing moment.
Weeks later, our first ultrasound revealed not one, but two sacs. We were having twins! Every week brought new milestones. We visited our surrogate in Wisconsin, met her family, and followed the pregnancy virtually through doctor appointments, a themed baby shower, and gender reveals.
Finally, at 38 weeks, it was delivery day. Initially scheduled for a c-section, our surrogate surprised us with a vaginal birth, allowing both of us to be present. At 12:57 p.m. on June 16, 2021, we welcomed Austin Anthony, our son. Moments later, after a tense but brief wait, our daughter, Aubrey Alexis, arrived at 1:02 p.m.
From that moment, Adam and I were Papa and Daddy. Our surrogate was extraordinary—selfless, loving, and supportive, ensuring our wishes were honored throughout the pregnancy. She never stopped working during the full 38 weeks, a true testament to her dedication.
Aubrey and Austin passed all health checks and were discharged just 28 hours after birth—a rare feat for twins. We embarked on the two-day journey home to New Jersey, beginning our life as a family of four.
This journey was filled with challenges, grief, and waiting, but it also brought immeasurable love and joy. Aubrey is already a spirited little drama queen, while Austin is calm and collected, just like his Papa. Our story may be different, but with love, faith, and science, we went from a party of two to a family of four—a dream realized against all odds.
