As a single, first-time mom, my world revolved entirely around my son. Everything outside of motherhood—my social life, dating, even my own wants—took a backseat. Landry, my little boy, became my whole universe, and I wanted to be present for every milestone, every smile, every tiny moment. The thought of dating felt impossible. I didn’t want to miss a single second of his life.
One of my closest friends, Allison—who also happens to be Landry’s aunt—was determined to nudge me back into the dating world. Throughout my pregnancy and in those first few months after Landry’s birth, she tried setting me up with multiple people. Each time, I politely declined, repeating, “I’m not ready yet.” That was until she mentioned Andrew.
Allison explained that she and her husband had a friend who seemed perfect for me. He was going through a divorce, had been unhappy for a while, and—here’s the kicker—he had five children from his marriage. Most people would have run at the mention of five kids, but for some reason, I felt curious instead of overwhelmed. I added Andrew on Facebook and waited. That very night, as I lay in bed, my phone buzzed—a message from Andrew.
Our first conversation was a little rocky. He revealed he was a Cubs and Michigan fan, while I proudly rooted for the Cardinals and Iowa—our teams were rivals! But soon enough, our chat shifted effortlessly. Hours flew by as we shared stories, laughed, and connected in a way that felt natural and easy. I knew, even then, that he was someone worth giving a real chance.
After a week of texts and phone calls, we finally planned to meet in person. Life had other plans: my daycare unexpectedly closed, but Andrew didn’t hesitate. “Bring Landry along!” he said. At just three and a half months old, Landry joined us at Dick’s Sporting Goods and later for lunch at Noodles and Company. The day was simple, yet perfect. When we parted, Andrew sent a text saying, “You’re all that and a bag of chips.” That’s when I knew I had met my future husband—and Landry’s future bonus dad.
Over the next month, as we spent more time together and discussed our future, the next step was meeting his children. First came his daughters, Emma, 10, and TinLeigh, 2, at a county fair. Emma hugged me instantly and introduced herself, and that night Andrew said the girls had enjoyed our time together and were excited about his new relationship. A week later, I met his three boys—Liam, 8, Rylan, 6, and Maddox, 4. Everything went smoothly, and I could already picture our lives together as one big, blended family.
The first few months were fun. I was the playful, indulgent one, and the kids enjoyed our time together. Andrew often mentioned how happy the kids were with me around. But after five months of long-distance dating, Landry and I moved in with Andrew and his children. Reality set in quickly. Andrew was coaching girls’ high school basketball mid-season, leaving me home with five kids alone. The fun, carefree role I had enjoyed was gone; now, I had rules, expectations, and responsibilities.
Adjusting was hard. The kids weren’t used to having a female figure enforcing rules and requiring help around the house. I went from the fun visitor to the “bad guy,” especially with Liam, the oldest, who struggled to accept the new rules. The hardest night came when he whispered, “I hate Bre.” Those words cut deep. I questioned myself—should I back off, push harder, or walk away? It was a challenging season for all of us.
Slowly, things improved. Andrew and I had heart-to-heart talks with the kids, laying out expectations and boundaries. As trust grew, the children realized my rules came from love, and they learned I wasn’t going anywhere. Ten months later, Andrew asked me to marry him in my parents’ camper. By then, it was clear to me, and to Landry, that this was our family. Andrew even checked in with the kids beforehand, making sure they were on board. Our wedding in March 2021 marked a joyful beginning, just shy of two years knowing each other.
Being a bonus mom isn’t easy. At first, hearing, “You’re not my mom,” stung deeply. I reminded myself that the kids were navigating a big change, and I stayed consistent, demanding respect while showing unwavering love. Building trust took time, patience, and consistency, but slowly, the phrase faded as the kids understood I was committed to them.
I also had to learn how to coexist with their biological mom. Early on, tension made everything harder, but I focused on never speaking negatively about her in front of the children. Kids are sponges, and protecting their emotional well-being became my priority. With time, patience, and mutual respect, we found a rhythm that worked.
Today, I feel blessed to be part of this blended family. The kids see me as a mother figure and know I love them unconditionally. Being a bonus mom is challenging, sometimes exhausting, and definitely messy—but it’s also one of the most rewarding roles I’ve ever embraced. The doubts fade, the comments stop, and what remains is the joy of watching a family grow, thrive, and love each other fiercely.
